Monday, April 4, 2011

Oh, Body of mine, where art thou?

Just been so confused as to why my body is doing the craziest stuff lately. I've always had fibromyalgia for 11 years now, but I was learning to cope with it. But lately in the past 6 months it seems like my body likes to punk me. Except the joke doesn't go away. I learned I have interstitial Cystitis which makes my bladder and lining of the bladder wall infected and inflamed. Not so comfy. I did start a med that will hopefully work, it can take up to 3 months to see if it works. Then i found out that my liver is jacked up. IT seems after many tests that it won't filter out the Ammonia we naturally ingest and have in our bodies. So, when i always said lately that I feel like I have poison running through my veins it was real. So, now I have to go see a  GI who specializes in the liver. May have to get a biopsy or not. Also was told my blood is made way too thick and I may have to get blood taken out monthly. Glad to help the blood bank, wonder if they'll pay me?haha anyways It's funny to hear myself think that i wish I was just back to the Fibro. speakng of Back, my Back has degenerative disks and is making it difficult to move around and get what needs to be done. They've talked surgery, which i don't want to do. I've mentioned my blood pressure has been super high so they  put me on meds for that and last night for some reason my blood pressure dropped to 75/48. I was seeing crazy stuff all night and freaking Tyler out. I kept seeing writing on the bed in neon green and orange writing and turning on the lights. I could see the craziest colors all over the room, and this is not the first time this has happened to me but sometime in the middle of the night I saw a woman standing on the side of my bed, she had blonde hair and was smiling and reaching out to me. That stuff has happened to me before, sounds loopy and probably is, but it used to scare me, but not any more. But today I could barely raise up my head. It was rough and when I went to the Doc, he just said my blood pressure was scary low and to watch my meds for that. OH I hate medications. I want so badly to be off all of them. That is my goal to figure out what my liver is doing and hopefully I can have a great summer with my kids. My family is getting nailed with the illness factor, of course I talk about my brother Todd. My poor Mom who takes care of us all is not feeling well. We may be looking at a genetic blood disease. Man, sometimes I think about the day we all stood and cheered to come to earth, and i know i chose and was happy to come. I also think how great will be our joy when we make it to the end and get to see our brother Jesus Christ and our father in heaven and all My friends and family who are waiting for us. I just wish I could be stronger and know what to do at times. Sometimes i feel very alone and lost. I feel like chronic pain is something that is somewhat Tabu to talk about. I'm not sure why. I know some people think you are weak or whatever their predisposed feelings are, but it's very sad to judge unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes. Physically it feels as though I can't possibly put one foot in front of the other, but I know that the Lord will help me. I'm most greatful for my mission where I gained a strong testimony and learned that you can't judge a book by it's cover, ever! Well, blah blah blah, Just trying to keep track so when I look back and read this i can remember how far Ive come.

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