On and on and on

So, still talking about my great 2 weeks, I must move on even though I will have to post pics later. I have some adorable ones of Courtney and the kids from her wedding. I'll add those later. But the wedding and temple we're absolutely wonderful. It was great to see. Although of course we had to add some Jorgensen drama of course. (For my Mom's sake I won't tell about how she seriously almost forgot her skirt to the temple!haha I will always remember that and it will make me smile) Right before we left for Idaho I got a new temple reccomend and Tyler even asked me three times if I had it. "Of course I have my new one in the case," I say with certainty. So, we are already running a few minutes late to the ceremony and we are searching for one of Court's roomates from school to take her to the temple ceremony. And this has never happened to me before, but mapquest left out a street and we we're lost. But in the car Tyler is looking at my reccomend which he notices is my OLD one. So, now I can't breathe we are almost late and now I have to walk into the temple already crying and having a huge panic attack because I'm thinking, no way will they let me in without my reccomend. Good thing Tyler was the one who interviewed me and the workers knew my Dad and it was a sealing, so luckily we saw the beautiful ceremony .Luckily it worked out. We saw a lot of family and friends and it was a great time. We also got to watch them open all of their gifts. I guess Courtney has always felt more like a sister than a niece. Courtney and Morgan we're always my soft place to fall. When I was happy, sad, uncertain, whatever I would find them and they would save me from any unpleasantness, or help me enjoy a moment and make it sweeter. Through my whole life, Court was born when I was 12 and Morgan when I was 15. I just have always loved those two like they are my own. It was a special moment to sit by Tyler and my Dad in the Temple watching Courtney and Ryker look into forever. It meant a lot to me. And in a moment everything changed. I saw myself leave to a higher plane or something. It was all so spiritual and hard to expain. I loved looking at my sister who is so special to me. She is the best example of a mother and my Mom sitting next to her. It was really beautiful. I'll post pics later of the amazing job Michell did with the reception. I just wish Court and Ryker all the best. That was a great part of the weekend. Then, we had to drive home. It was about this time things started to change. Unfortunately Tyler's Great Gradma had a heart attack the day Court got married, so we left Idaho and went to Utah which was on route to get home, but we we're thinking we may stay so we could be there in case Grandma passed and we we're able to stay in Utah for the funeral. We had also promised the kids that we would take them to Lagoon while we were passing through Utah. This had all been planned before the trip was made. So, early on the morning we we're leaving to go to Utah and hit Lagoon I woke up feeling worse than I think I have in the whole 12 years I've been srtuggling with my illness, and other illnesses,haha. Not really that funny I guess. But, I woke up at my Mom's and I wondered how in the world am I going to make it to Utah, through a day at Lagoon and home and get my daughter through to a wedding like the one I've just witnessed with the way I'm feeling right now. I've have many very serious talks with the Lord swearing that I was at the end of my rope, but instead I found that I must not be because I'm still there dealing with the fatigue, pain, serious guilt, fear and judgment from people I love for years not understanding my position I'm in. Now, I'm getting all serious. But I guess I'm the only one who really see's all of this anyway, and hopefully my kids will have it for a journal,that is why I do it really, but I want them to know what life was like, and what I believe a real Miracle looks like.
Anyways, I've had these talks and prayers with him before, but this time it was different. I really seriously didn't know where I would get it from, the strength. My poor Mom who was going to come to Lagoon with us to help me out, and my Dad of course came down and hugged me and told me she hadn't slept at all the night before. And she had broken her toes at some point during the night of the reception. She said she just couldn't make it. I knew she needed to stay home and sleep. But, I will say I was so sad and having flashbacks of when I was 7 and 10 and even last year when they were with us at Lagoon. In fact it would be the first time without them. I know, selfish but I would miss them and physically I knew it would be interesting. I hadn't slept either and for me it's not good to get no sleep with my conditions. The pain is a lot worse, but we strapped in on, and headed to Utah. We went to Lagoon and there were a lot of great things that happened and not so great things. To save time and to just save the memory from my kids and others I will skip a lot of it. The long and short of it was that Tyler had to leave Lagoon for a period and I found myself sitting there alone with the kids feeling like my legs were going to give out any moment. I just moved from ride to ride with a perma grin to tell them that I was fine, but my body was screaming at me. I was also wondering how I was supposed to be my big jovial Dad's personality, who makes everything so much fun at all times, and my Mom who is the most unselfish person I know and always takes the kids and takes them on their rides and lets everyone else do what they want. She says it is her joy to watch the grandchildren. One day I'll ask her and maybe I'll get the truth of wether that is true or she was just letting us have our joy and letting the grandkids have theirs too. But I felt a bit alone. We had our niece and nephew with us, but they we're riding some fun rides because I didn't want them bored while Tyler was gone and we were riding the little kid rides and we were waiting for Tyler's brother to get there. So, I sat there and hugged my 2 little ones and threw up a prayer of help that I'd never done before and fought back the tears of feeling extrememly sad and lonely and mostly in a lot of pain. That is a moment that seems so silly and why would it be a big deal, but I grew up that moment. Mom and Dad were gone. Tyler was gone and I had to be everyone at once and I realized with my health no one was going to ride in and change anything at all. I realized I had to change the idea of Faith that I had always had in my head. This was a different Faith in God and Jesus Christ I had to have. It was a personal revelation I guess, but for me it was a life changing moment. As a child I always used to tell my parents I was going to serve a mission, but to Lagoon. It was always a joke in our family. Italy was a great substitute, but little did I know it would actually be true in a way, that Lagoon of all places my life would change. Finally, Tyler's brother, Mike came and saved the day. He was just so sweet to me and the kids. I could cry right now thinking of it. He had no idea how many tears I had cried that day, or how I had been crying on the colossus or any of the rides.  So, funny. Tyler then showed up and we got Nick's big honkin skate shoes that made him just tall enough to get him on all the big rides. So, for some reason my body literally went a bit numb and I just white knuckled it through the big day at Lagoon. It was also an awesome day too. Alaria and Nick we're able to ride ALL the big rides. It sort of freaked me out that they were able to get on all of them. I saw that they are not my babies anymore. That made me sad. The day was definitely one for my record book. After Lagoon we got home and as a family we had to pray for Great Grandma who I wrote earlier had had a heart attack. We waited an extra day to see what would happen. After Lagoon Ty and Monica, who always let us stay in their home, always, we owe them, made us a great dinner. Smoked ribs and brisket my favorite, Sorensen tradition, the smoker. I was waiting for the pain to whoosh in and take me out. That night we got the kids down and my body still felt very numb and it's hard to explain for anyone who is not inside my body, but the best way to explain was that the blood was not circulating at all. I couldn't feel my feet for real and I just felt a real empty painful wierd feeling healthwise. I didn't think I would sleep at all. I hadn't been sleeping prior to this. Well to my surprise I slept that night. I was shocked. We waited the next day at Monica's to hear about Grandma and decided to make the trip home and see from there. Well, We got home and Grandma passed that Sunday the 4th I believe of September. I will continue on with MY story that impacted me. While I type it seems kind of bizarre that it would even matter to anyone, but I want to remember how it happened and what happended to me. I know I need to keep a journal and this, to me is the best way to keep my stories of my family, kids and pictures. Tomorrow I will write about the weekend we had to turn around and head back to Utah for another amazing road trip in the car for hours. We do need a larger car, that is for sure. haha